Come on let’s go, we will go without you nick, if you don’t hurry up beep beep! “Nick''Ok" I'm in . So where are we going?”Mark” Um good question i think we might just drive around till we find something."Nick" Ok well umm what about that mountain over there.”Lilly” Yeah what about the mountain. Can we please go please with a chunk of cheese. “Mark” But the breeze is icy cold! “Lilly'' So what! “Mark” Fine we will go to the mountain! “Humph '' “Nick '' come on look at that old and grubby staircase lets climb up to the top!!!! NO NO NO come right back here! Catch us if you can ha ha ha! “Mark'' Guys come back! No,”Nick” who ever can get to the top first will WIN! ”Lilly '' Win what like a yo-yo or something? No you just win ok 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 GO! “Mark” NO STOP! The rocks are falling! “ Lilly'' Well we will run faster then, so long sucker! “Nick'' Wait for me! So long sucker, I’m going to win NO i’m going to win he he what is that its a Snake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh No! Whaaaaaa stop crying like a baby! Hey i tripped and I AM NOT ALRIGHT! Well there is nothing i can do about it so hurry up and get off your bum! “pht “ “Nick” did you just fart? “Lilly'' yes i did fart “pht” and there is another one for good luck! “Nick'' Eww! Disgusting! Never mind let’s go.”Lilly'' wait what is that at the top? Come on let's go!
“Lilly and Nick” MARK? ”Mark” well i came up here when Lilly tripped over and well drove my car up here Tada! And when the rocks were falling I chased you so we could go pick you up but i ended up like miles away from you guys! “Lilly” well then let's get in the car and head home! “ Mark way ahead of ya beep beep lets go!
"Lilly" Where? "Mark" Home obviously
Ka pai Charlotte! Lilly and Nick have a relatable friendship, which I enjoyed reading. Next steps would be getting someone at home to go through your work and help you edit it. Keep up the great blogging!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
ReplyDeletecoolies Charlotte i loved that you put a lot of detail in your story I really enjoyed it
ReplyDeleteReading this makes me think that you should try writing a play. Why? Because a play communicates its story through people talking to each other, which this piece of writing mostly does.
ReplyDeleteoh!
DeleteCharlotte what great dialogue (talking) you have in this story, I really like how you know how to use lots of punctuation. I hope you had fun writing this story.
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